The latest GOP “debate” demonstrated an all-time low in the maturity level of the GOP’s remaining presidential candidates.

As a result, people keep telling me:

“Rebecca, your 5-month-old baby would be a better candidate than those guys.”

That’s what they keep telling me, from all around the country.

So, the baby and I had a quick chat about it this morning.

When I asked his position on the issues, he gurgled and cooed charmingly.

He didn’t yell or scream once.

He’s got a good face for television, too.

So, it’s official. He’s entering the race!

People of America: Do you want to vote Red but wish you had a better candidate than those who were on TV last night?

If so, my 5-month-old baby is here for you.

My 5-month-old baby may not have policy ideas, but he doesn’t have *dangerous* policy ideas, either.

He also resembles an adult more closely than those guys do.

Give it some thought. It could work.

Voting Republican? Vote for Baby!

Thank you, America. And, you’re welcome.

P.S. If you’re not planning to vote for my 5-month-old baby, please, please, please, get out and vote in November—for whichever candidate wins the Democratic primary.

Thanks again, America. My 5-month-old baby and his future are counting on you.

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Rebecca Hains, Ph.D. is a media studies professor at Salem State University and the author of The Princess Problem: Guiding Our Girls Through the Princess-Obsessed Years, a book meant to help parents raise empowered, media-literate daughters. 

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